Hoʻoponopono

A monster came to visit me.

At first

it gave me a fright.

It was big and tall

and scary and long

and had teeth ready to bite.

I fearfully asked it

“What are you here for?”

Its bold reply echoed

“I need you to get through the door.”

Confused;

I looked around.

I thought silently

what could be this creature’s bounds.

“You arrived here fine.

Does this door have a sign?

Clearly you can get through the door.

Perhaps there is something more…”

The monster agreed,

nodding its head yes:

“I know where to go,

but you know how to get there best.”

“Surely there’s been a mistake.

How can I know the how

if I don’t know

the when or the where or the why

or anything of the sake?”

The monster kneeled to my level,

and it gave me a very serious look:

“You help others slay their inner devil,

yet you harbor your own little black book.”

My stomach dropped

and my heart followed right behind.

This monster that has found me

is actually mine.

It’s been watching my every move,

tallying and keeping score

of the way I treat the people I despise

and the way I treat the ones I adore.

I looked down into my hands.

There was my history.

I looked down into my heart.

There was the answer to this mystery.

My heart had only grown big enough

to help those who had helped me.

I had become divided—

believing that the I

is greater than the we.

Yet still,

I balled up my fist

and I clenched my jaw.

My body had tensed

and my emotions went raw.

I could feel the warmth rising,

but I could not breathe

until the monster whispered “Relax”

and naturally, my love expanded like the sea.

I closed my eyes

to fight back the tears.

In my mind I saw every bully

I’ve had throughout the years.

I saw the times I ran

and the times I fought back.

I saw the times where I was

the one initiating the attack.

I saw all of my lovers

and my friends and my kin.

I also saw the people

who judged other people

solely off their skin.

My love and my hate

both red,

began to blend.

I saw everyone

and then I saw within.

I am one of them.

No lower, no higher.

No wronger, no righter.

Just another child who had

grew up and became grouchy and tired.

I whispered to the child

I am so so so sorry.

Sorry for everything.

They whispered back:

“I forgive you, just remember to

answer your heart when you hear it ring.”

Do not hesitate to help

and weigh the cons against the pros.

Do not withhold your yes’s

thinking you are hurting all the no’s.

Do not mistake your happiness for

being more worthy than your woes.

Do not love your friends any

more than you love your foes.

I opened my eyes,

feeling revitalized.

I stood at the threshold

of a big, bright shining door.

I looked back at the monster:

“Go on, I am no use to you any more.”